Somehow I found
myself gaining almost 40 pounds of the 100 pounds I lost back. Yeah I can say Christmas
took a piece of me. Growing up as a “FAT” girl, I must say it was never an
easy thing. I can tell you that I saw it and heard it all; ranging from nasty comments
to the dirty eye looks. People treated me as if I wasn't good enough. I can
honestly tell you that they treated me as if I had HIV/AIDS. It was as if being
“FAT” was disgusting. Nobody really liked or loved me genuinely. Most of the
times, I had to trade something for the company of others. My friend Winifred
Oberg was always around. And I didn't really get why she always wanted to hang
out with me. Until I lost the weight and I knew that was love. My mother was
always there willing to support me in every way.
I had low self-esteem due to
the constant hearing of the negative comments. I was looking for acceptance from
other people and none of them gave me. Sometimes the nasty comment from people
was too much to bear. I had to go home and cry. I can clearly remember my
mother telling me “Afia this is how you were born and you are very beautiful….don’t
let them get to you”. But my mother’s words came too late. They already got to
me. They had ripped away my self-confident
and self-esteem. Going out was very difficult; I couldn't even looked up
straight when I was walking….I wanted to be invisible. I was scared of them
noticing and teasing me all the way to my house or wherever I was going; even in school.
One day I woke
up and lost all the weight and there, everyone wanted to be my friend. People were
actually talking to me now. Boys wanted to date me for what I've become. I was
proud of myself. I used to say the only thing I've achieved so far was losing the
weight. That was very true. But little did I know that the hardest part of
losing weight was the maintenance phase. Unfortunately, I gained back 40 pounds
3 years or so later. And I thought I had seen and heard all the nasty comments
from my childhood to my teens….but I was wrong. I realized nothing has changed.
People are still being mean and assholes to “FAT” people. I realized they are
still treating “FAT” people like we don’t matter. It’s really sad to see how
bold they can stand up to you, tease and attack you.
I thought I've heard it
all until some few days ago, someone I actually trusted and loved told me I’m
not beautiful anymore because I’m fat. That’s
the worst thing I've ever heard in my life after Sugarland. I was really sad
and broken, knowing that was coming from him. Moreover I was very sad to know
that beauty has now been limited to being skinny more than ever. No wonder
girls are killing themselves with diet and diet pills. When it comes to weight,
it’s a very sensitive thing.
Some boys will insult and tell you they can’t date you because you
are fat. Meanwhile the have a sister or mother at home who is probably twice or
even thrice your size….REALLY????
I’m not going to apologize for having the
tendency of gaining weight easily. I’m not going to bow down my head just
because some stupid people out there just don’t know how to shut up and walk
away without saying anything. It’s not fair to kill a little girl self-esteem
from the scratch because she is fat.
We don’t need to hear your stupid, rude
and depressing comment. Telling someone he or she is UGLY because he or she is “FAT”
IS NOT A JOKE OR PLAY. AND IT CAN NEVER BE.
In fact I’m at that point where if
you make me feel bad about myself, I will never talk to you again. “FAT” people
have feelings too. We genuinely have good hearts more than those skinny and “well-shaped”
people out there. We are smart, intelligent and very innovative. Enough of the body shaming. Enough of the
negative comments and the tease. We don’t need to hear them anymore. We have a
damn mirror in our house for Christ sake. If you want to say something, motivate
the fuck out of me (us) to lose the weight or to live a healthy lifestyle and not try to put me (us) down to
make yourself feel better. This stupid! You all should be ashamed of yourselves
for making us cry and ruining our day…..everyday!!!!!!
IS IT A CARDINAL SIN FOR A WOMAN TO HAVE FLESH???????
I rest my case!
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