AFIA'S DIARY

So as I sat down watching Being Mary Jane season three episode three I had my little epiphany. It was when Mary Jane was eulogizing Lisa. I could totally relate to a part of the eulogy. Good morning how are you? I've been asked how are you so many times and my answer has always been, I'm okay or I'm fine.....then that's it. Because thats what people are generally expecting you to say since you are alive and kicking. Sometimes we are not fine but we are afraid of the follow up questions and we don't want to show our vulnerability by answering them. I have not been fine for months now, but anytime someone asked me how are you?  I just said I'm fine. But I wasn't fine....i lost the love of my life and he's gone; he left me all alone and I'm stuck. "I realised that I'm a liar, i'm a big liar and a good liar. We all are,  we are all just pretending we are okay when we are really not. You know it's not even enough for us just to lie.  We...

I've been trying to avoid writing for days. I don't want to because the words and everything so far seems so difficult and heavy to even pen down. But today I find myself writing not because I want to but it's because I feel if I don't put things down I'm never going to feel better; this heavy heart won't set me free. So here it goes, do you remember the love of my life Eric,  Yep! He's back after his two year mission in Nigeria and guess what, when I saw him, I was angry not because I hated him but because all the love I felt for him was coming back to me; everything was coming back again and I felt weak. Anger was the only emotion I could show to be strong. Everything is great, we are back together and very happy. What??? Wait.. That was one of my dreams typing. Now back to me,  things are messy and clearly he got himself a new girlfriend, he's happy and moving on. In fact he's doing way better than I am. I was still holding on to him and the pos...

Another birthday, it doesn't even feel right. It just a normal day. Well 365 days later, things haven't really changed. I'm still struggling to lose and maintain my weight. I haven't really learnt my lessons especially when it comes to love. Still struggling to find some who is genuine that I can really relate to. I didn't say someone perfect because I'm not even close to perfection. But someone who is very honest and fully committed. I'm still going through the motions, trying to find my legs. I still think about my dad everyday because I know his love and acceptance could have really changed some aspect in my life. In school doing well but there's more room for improvement. I don't really think I'm actually going to find love and experienced that incredible happiness some people talk about but it's all good. I've met Mr AssClown who's not satisfied with all the numerous girls he has and still seeking for more everyday. I...

Another birthday, it doesn't even feel right. It just a normal day. Well 365 days later, things haven't really changed. I'm still struggling to lose and maintain my weight. I haven't really learnt my lessons especially when it comes to love. Still struggling to find some who is genuine that I can really relate to. I didn't say someone perfect because I'm not even close to perfection. But someone who is very honest and fully committed. I'm still going through the motions, trying to find my legs. I still think about my dad everyday because I know his love and acceptance could have really changed some aspect in my life. In school doing well but there's more room for improvement. I don't really think I'm actually going to find love and experienced that incredible happiness some people talk about but it's all good. I've met Mr AssClown who's not satisfied with all the numerous girls he has and still seeking for more everyday. I...

The most depressing thing in the world is having a closet full of clothes but you can't  fit in them....yeah very sad. I managed to lose weight with the dukan  diet but I wasn't discipline enough to maintain the weight. My weight kept going up and down to the  point where I couldn't control myself anymore. So I started to binge eating and purge. I've purged on and off for almost a year or two now. At 83.6kg Honestly I didn't feel good about it but I was desperate to lose the weight because that was the only option I had; since i couldn't control my eating habit. When my friend Fortuna died early this year,  my eating got out of control, I said to myself, "Life is too short to be dieting and struggling everyday". So I started eating anything I could lay my hands on. After her burial my weight has escalated to 83.6kg. Then I was really tired of feeling miserable, so I promised my friend and myself that I will take care of me,  focus o...

Dear 2016, I welcome you with a heart full of expectations this time around. Before the ending of 2015, I had the opportunity to read this amazing speech gave by Oprah Winfrey at a Stanford graduation. The speech was all about feelings, failure and finding happiness. It really opened my mind and heart to some things (aha moment) and I said to myself that’s exactly the three key things I will be holding on to in 2016 to make good decisions. I’m expecting to be very happy. By putting God first and accepting myself. And i also seek to serve and help others. I’m not going to pretend to be something that I am not. I will still be the same old girl who smiles at everyone just to brighten their day. The girl who put the needs of others before hers. The girl who truly believes that love conquers all and it comes to only those who believe and does not give up.  The girl who makes people happy all the time. Why? Because I am who I am at all times. No bullshit, no fucking filter; just...

It was a very great night……..we ended 2015 in style. Awesome! Remember the sick party I told you guys about in my last post? Yes I ‘repped’ it so hard and it was a blast. It was very nice to see all the young single adult coming together to mingle and have fun. I got to sit down and chat with some of the people I know and also had the chance to meet new people. For me, I think this is the best young single adult dinner ever. There was more opportunity for us to dance and express ourselves; and for me that was a wonderful thing. Even though I was kind of late I had mad fun. Of course, I’m always the life of every party. So here are some pictures for you guys. Enjoy After the party, I had the chance to experience something  I've  never experienced before. I went to the club!!!! Yeeeeesss baby!!!!....with other four friends of mine!! It was really uncomfortable at first but I really adjusted to the environment. I must sa...