AFIA'S DIARY

Somehow I found myself gaining almost 40 pounds of the 100 pounds I lost back. Yeah I can say Christmas took a piece of me. Growing up as a  “FAT” girl, I must say it was never an easy thing. I can tell you that I saw it and heard it all; ranging from nasty comments to the dirty eye looks. People treated me as if I wasn't good enough. I can honestly tell you that they treated me as if I had HIV/AIDS. It was as if being “FAT” was disgusting. Nobody really liked or loved me genuinely. Most of the times, I had to trade something for the company of others. My friend Winifred Oberg was always around. And I didn't really get why she always wanted to hang out with me. Until I lost the weight and I knew that was love. My mother was always there willing to support me in every way.  I had low self-esteem due to the constant hearing of the negative comments. I was looking for acceptance from other people and none of them gave me. Sometimes the nasty comment from people was too ...

Before the end of this year, I wanted something to blog about. So I sent a whatsapp broadcast to some of my contacts asking them on what to blog about. My former Broadcast Journalism lecturer gave an answer and that instant it seemed pointless to me.  He said “You can blog about something else. Take a break from your life at least this season”. It took me two months to finally get what he was actually trying to say to me. When I woke up today everything he said finally made sense and I get it now. If you my readers really observed, I never posted any New Year resolution like I've done for the previous years. Well it’s because I figured out that there was no need putting a list down and ignoring it to do other things. My resolution was to make a resolution every day of my life. That is, go through something and take the lessons from it and actually work on it. The blog started as a weight loss blog. When the goal weight was finally achieved, I made it all about me. A perso...

I'm ending my writing for the year 2016 just like how I do it at the end of every year. Normally I write this at home or at a party but for this year,  i'm writing it in an OA bus heading to Kumasi from Tamale. I had to go for one of my childhood friend's wedding. I don't know whether 2016 has been a good year or not. Infact it has been a bittersweet year. There were times I made bad choices but trust me I really did learn from them. I had my own fair sharing of crying and laughing. I met new people and they have been very amazing. I fell in love of course  with someone I shouldn't, someone who painted me black but I also learned from it. I also started my specialization this year, that is Broadcast Journalism and there's never a day I have regretted chosen that course. I got to know how to take care of myself in my own terms and not what people wanted. I got to live on my own in my hostel. My weight was definitely unstable this year too, I've been gaining...

                  Dear Mom, I know all the girls I grew up with are getting married, you've seen and heard it all. I'm sure in your minds eye you've been saying "soon it will be my daughter's turn". Which daughter??? Oh is that me???  .  Oh Mumzy I appreciate that thought. I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm no where near that phase. I wish I was though. Mom,  I can't even get a man and I'm not ashamed of that. its not my fault that i'm too emotional for them.  Secondly mom,  i'm still finding myself let alone a soul mate. i'm just saying. Lastly, my new career path which ends when I'm 33 years. The conclusion of this letter to you mom is that, sadly I can't keep a man for even 2 years in a relationship let alone get one for a lifetime. NB: Dear Mom, after my second degree,  I'll be 33 years. I'll get married and give birth for you if only I get and keep a man. But if things continue...

I'm starting to think that I'm really jinxed.....like for real. I'm sitting here wondering what I've done wrong. Come on its like I've been cursed not to find love. This thing hurts. Oh I now really do believe that this thing called love is not for everyone. It's funny how you spot them and you actually think he's the one but it's sad when all the connection is there but he doesn't want you. Where did I go wrong??  Yooooor!!!!!! Is it my fault that I'm a hopeless romantic? Is it my fault that I see good in everyone even when I'm not suppose to??? Is it my fault that  I still believe that someday someone will walk into my life and love me right like the way I love him?? Maybe it's my fault.. But no why is it my fault???  My beautiful friend Bridget found one.....and now she's happily married. I hate this feeling....i hate the fact that I'm actually crying over a decision I took. I'm really disappointed in myself for breaking ...

So as I sat down watching Being Mary Jane season three episode three I had my little epiphany. It was when Mary Jane was eulogizing Lisa. I could totally relate to a part of the eulogy. Good morning how are you? I've been asked how are you so many times and my answer has always been, I'm okay or I'm fine.....then that's it. Because thats what people are generally expecting you to say since you are alive and kicking. Sometimes we are not fine but we are afraid of the follow up questions and we don't want to show our vulnerability by answering them. I have not been fine for months now, but anytime someone asked me how are you?  I just said I'm fine. But I wasn't fine....i lost the love of my life and he's gone; he left me all alone and I'm stuck. "I realised that I'm a liar, i'm a big liar and a good liar. We all are,  we are all just pretending we are okay when we are really not. You know it's not even enough for us just to lie.  We...

I've been trying to avoid writing for days. I don't want to because the words and everything so far seems so difficult and heavy to even pen down. But today I find myself writing not because I want to but it's because I feel if I don't put things down I'm never going to feel better; this heavy heart won't set me free. So here it goes, do you remember the love of my life Eric,  Yep! He's back after his two year mission in Nigeria and guess what, when I saw him, I was angry not because I hated him but because all the love I felt for him was coming back to me; everything was coming back again and I felt weak. Anger was the only emotion I could show to be strong. Everything is great, we are back together and very happy. What??? Wait.. That was one of my dreams typing. Now back to me,  things are messy and clearly he got himself a new girlfriend, he's happy and moving on. In fact he's doing way better than I am. I was still holding on to him and the pos...